I’ve been intending to write this last night, while sipping my hot green tea, post Kenny Roger’s dinner with my parents. Which they didn’t really love, because well, they’re Indian inside and out so they prefer KFC instead. So we stepped into 2014 with yours truly sitting in a big baggy tee and my favorite scrub pants. My soul may feel fat, but body is truly comfortable. This is me being all bright and shiny, a leaf I took out of Meredith’s book.
Do I sound whiny? Because I don’t intend to be. But oh, if you do think I sound whiny, ignore the voice in your head that’s trying to to poison you against me. Just imagine you’re in Malta, facing the Mediterranean sea and your bed is as such that you could see the stars while you fall asleep. Yes, now you’ll be the kind soul who says only the right things.
I don’t make resolutions because I’m genetically programmed to break them. Every year throughout my high school days I had more fun in drawing up study schedules, than really following them. I still finished my homework in the school, the next morning. I still asked for extended submission time for assignments. I still get angry. I still snooze my alarm till it gives up on me. I still clog my arteries and veins with caffeine. I still fucking cry for Disney movies. Bloody hell, I still believe the next man I meet will be Prince Aladdin.
This year, I’m turning 25 so I’m going plan instead of resoluting. That word should be added to Oxford dictionary.
1. Don’t let the quarter-life crisis hit me.
I may turn 25, all single and currently not dating any hot men. I may have left my property declaration form blank because well, I have nothing to declare. I may have bank balance which can be emptied in a day for a pair of Jimmy Choo’s. I may be indebted with an amount so impossible to be paid off in a year or two. I may still be living with my parents and my dad taking care of my fuel expenses.
BUT I refuse to let the panic kicking in. Remember, I am all bright and shiny.
2. Travel to a new land.
Says it all. One land to conquer each year, before I grow old with Parkinson’s disease. No, I’m not diagnosed yet. No, I don’t have the courage to get examined as well. AND no, I’m not being paranoid. Shut up!
3. More family time.
I’m planning to reduce the intensity of my aloofness, especially in the family department. It makes no harm in letting your guards down slightly with those who stood by you all these years. It’s okay to be less smart, it’s okay to share the details of your dreams, it’s okay to treat them as your friends, it’s okay to put down the book you’re reading and talk to them instead.
4. Rock FYDO-ship.
First month into the government service, I’m enjoying what I get up for at half past five in the morning. I work at a small, ultra basic temporary clinic at the banks of Sungai Perak. The clinic is so basic that if we switch on the air conditioner, the circuit breaker trips. If we overload the consumption with multiple laptops, the fuse blows and burns your adapter.
We only have two rooms, one functioning wash basin, one small autoclave and a few headlights. Yet, we’re managing. It’s amazing how commune community posting can get.
This is one resolution I intend to keep.
Keep getting entertained by dentistry. Learn as much as life offers to teach.
5. Read. Read more. And more. And more.
I have to finish reading all the new books I purchased out of impulse, out of interest, out of first impression, out of loyalty and out of BR1M courtesy. My mom is thanking me for not being able to go to Big Bad Wolf sales because if one more new book comes in, we have to sleep outside with the dog.
So by the end of 2014, I must have read at least 20 more books, be able to recite at least one Shakespearean play scene, learn 200 new bombastic words and memorize their meanings.
6. Be happy.
As simple as that. I want to be happy. Storms may blow hard this year. Big waves may try to topple the boat. Heavy rain can ruin long planned picnics. Heart throb may get married to a girl you least liked. Dentures may not fit perfectly and you may need Polident. Roots may fracture and simple extraction may turn into surgical removal. Some child patient may cry his heart out leaving you clueless in the middle of a ward. You may have to break bad news to your patients. You may get doubted of your competency and feel like crap sitting in the locker room. Some days you may want to just disappear into nothingness. Some people may let you down. You may let yourself down.
Nevertheless I want to able to find happiness in the midst of all the tears. Or else, I want to be able to walk away when I know I am unhappy. If last year has taught me anything, then this is it. Never settle for something or someone who may seem perfect but fail to make you happy.
I have to admit you were too hard to manage. There were times you hit me so hard that I wanted to just stop. There were times you lost me so badly that I felt like a blind, walking in zig-zag. Honestly I couldn’t wait to be done with you and say goodbye. Thank you for everything, I shall remember what you tried to tell me. And now, the long awaited goodbye.