Happy Birthday, my Hero.

It all started – 23 years and 28 days ago. Or maybe when we were conceived and kicking ass in our mothers’ wombs. If I still believe in unconditional love, that would be the love I have for you and you, for me. If there is a man who could free me from all fears, that would be you. If I would let down my guards and be totally vulnerable with, it will be with you. If there is a Superhero exists, it is you.

From day one I held onto your hand and followed your footsteps literally everywhere, it has been the same till now. I remember the days when I looked forward to every weekends, tirelessly traveled by two buses, only to see you. To roam around the bushes, create our own games, listen to your stories and laugh endlessly. We had our own baby made out of Legos and we brought him out for a walk – under an umbrella. We had our own temple with an idol made of brick. We climbed the double decker bed to eaves drop the elders talking in the living room. We pretended to be asleep – until the lights went off. We hid ourselves under the blanket and talked nonsense until we fell asleep. In the morning, we waited until the other wakes up so that we walk out of the room together. We were punished to sit so far from each other because they can’t control us. Yet we stole glances at each other, making fun of everyone else – in our own mute language.

I do want to change some parts of my childhood for the painful events they brought me. For the effect they have upon me now. However I’d never want to change the impact you leave on me. The laughs you granted me. The efforts you took to make me happy. All the ways you protected me, from everyone who tried to harm me.

 

Many times I wonder what goes on in your mind. Someone who always strives to bring laughter and joy to others. Someone who doesn’t demand much from those in his life. Someone who is capable of pulling off anything. Someone who wants to keep everyone together. Someone who hides what he feels deep inside, only not to offend others. Someone who thinks for others before himself.

Brother, I love you so much. Safe to say, more than anyone else. I want to be like this till forever. This blind obsession I have of you. The countless times I speak about you to everyone else. The broad smile that blooms on my face each time I hear your name. The joy I feel to be around you. You deserve all the happiness in this world – my share put together too. Take all you want from my life. And I’ll still be happy and content. To be your sister.

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The moment you stop dancing, life stops.

Indifference. You never know when it’s going to hit you, but when it does; it gives a full blow. You get so engrossed in scheduled daily routine. Nothing actually excites you. Not the usual flossy clouds, nor the shadowy canopy walk. Not the wedding preparations, nor the never ending shopping. Not the flock of friends, nor the lonesome coffee moment. You aren’t sad nor happy. You’re just indifferent, with unsettling apathy. 

 

Out of nowhere (or you know exactly from where), a ray of light shines. The light grows. Bigger and bigger. Until it shines throughout the room. Like it’s meant to be. The light brings music to the soul. It inspires you to tap your feet along. The tapping grow faster and you start to dance like you’re always meant to.

You start smiling to yourself. Rebuilding your dreams. Reform the beliefs. Though you realize it’s unwise to keep fantasizing. 

“Sometimes all you want is change your life completely.”